


easy, easier

by flashates (flashbacksofhate)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, angst maybe?, this is heartbreaking... a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashbacksofhate/pseuds/flashates
Summary: you’re easy to love (easier when it seems like you’re gonna pull the trigger)
Relationships: Lee Juyeon/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	easy, easier

**Author's Note:**

> this is rlly short and informal... hope u like it

so maybe things weren’t ideal all of the time. so maybe there were times in which he had to think of his next movement extra hard, because ruining that would ruin his relationship too. he doesn’t like those moments, doesn’t like being so on edge with someone he loves, but he understands it can’t always be blissful. no pain no gain, or whatever. and it’s not like they fight a lot, either. they don’t really do, because it leaves kevin completely broken when they do. he’s afraid of losing juyeon forever, and so he swallows down his feelings and apologizes for god knows what.  
sometimes he really doesn’t know what juyeon wants from him. is it to be left alone? does he want an apology, and for what? does he just want an excuse to turn annoying, thirsty kevin away?  
he’s aware. aware that his thoughts hurt more than anything juyeon would dare do to him. aware that, even if he thinks he’s about to lose him, juyeon wouldn’t possibly let that happen. he loves him, although in a moderate silent manner, so different from kevin who’s never been able to pour his love in a measuring cup.  
he just doesn’t wanna be left alone. but when he does find himself alone (juyeon wordlessly rejecting his embrace, walking away) he’s terrified. he knows it’s eventually going to end. he just doesn’t know if now is the last straw or if he still needs time to make the decision but eventually, he’ll get sick of kevin’s antics. he is very demanding, after all. sometimes juyeon’s just busy, just doesn’t want him around, but kevin still orbits around him like the earth around the sun and he understands how annoying it can be, from his perspective. but he can’t stop wanting.  
but other times, juyeon is just fine with him being around. with running his hands on his hair and kissing him dumb, with cuddling as they watch a movie. those times, kevin treasures with his entire heart when they happen. who knows when he’ll be rejected again.  
objectively, he knows he deserves better. he deserves someone that’ll be more aware of him, that will chase him like kevin chases juyeon. that will run to him when he gets home and kiss his hardships away. he knows he deserves more than the crumbs of affection juyeon offers him. thing is, he’s not sure he wants more. he doesn’t want anyone else because whoever the guy is, he won’t be juyeon. he won’t be his lovely boyfriend, with his big smile and bear hugs. he won’t be the man that will wordlessly approach him and hug him, as though to recharge his energy through kevin.  
he knows juyeon loves him in silence.  
“i love you, juju” he whispers one day, while they watch a movie.  
on his peripheral vision, he sees juyeon smile just the slightest bit, and then his hand is being kissed.  
he doesn’t say it back (at least not with words, he thinks.)  
he hates how insecure it makes him. he hates feeling like a bother because he wants (and needs) more, like some demanding houseplant that will die if you don’t water it. he hates feeling like that, yet he can’t help it. not when juyeon used to give him his undivided attention at first.  
it was blissful. kevin doesn’t remember being loved like that. like the juyeon that wouldn’t get his hands off him, the juyeon that constantly whispered compliments into his ear for kevin to blush for. like the juyeon that kissed him dumb, so dumb he couldn’t manage anything but a smile into his lips afterwards.  
he doesn’t remember being loved like that by anyone else, yet it seems like he can’t get those times back no matter how much he tries.  
he wonders what changed, wonders if he’ll ever know. sometimes, there are just unanswered questions. sometimes, there are loose threads on the ball of yarn that is life. and that’s okay.  
that’s okay, because at the end of the day, kevin loves juyeon. and juyeon is (still) dating him, so he guesses he loves him too.  
that’s all he needs to know, as long as he has juyeon. as long as the trigger isn’t about to be pulled between them. as long as juyeon doesn’t decide he’s sick of him.

**Author's Note:**

> this is very personal to me. it’s something i wrote while trying to assimilate a pretty recent breakup i went through a few months ago and i didn’t put a lot of plot thought into it, hence why its in lowercase and why it might seem hard to follow. i guess it was something that i came up with to help me with the healing process and to describe what i felt because i couldn’t really tell that person. anyways, you can find me @flashates on twt and im thinking of getting a cc sometime soon! hope u enjoyed


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